“Don’t Worry, Be Happy….” Really? 555
Tara struggles to sleep. She often curls up with her phone under the covers, listening to music as the night passes by. Eventually, she drifts into a light sleep.
It’s no surprise that she’s exhausted the next day. School, which used to be engaging, now feels monotonous. Her friends, once interesting, don’t seem as exciting anymore.
Her favorite activity is doing nothing, perhaps watching videos.
She wants to be left alone, to hibernate.
It seems like no one can reach her. When Tara isn’t feeling down, she’s constantly worried about something – grades, her future, her body, friends, boys, pleasing her parents.
Tara is dealing with both anxiety and depression. The confusing part is: It seems like she has no reason to feel this way. At least, that’s what others think. She has a supportive family, good friends, she’s pretty, doing well on the volleyball team, and her grades are fine. What does she have to worry about?
For Tara, nearly everything.
She’s part of a widespread issue affecting today’s teens. The World Health Organization states that depression is the leading cause of illness and disability for males and females aged 10-19. The most affected group is girls, especially those who excel in school and have loving families and friends. However, all teens are at risk – whether they come from wealthy or poor backgrounds, urban or rural areas, planning for college or not.
How did I get here?
The Truth Behind ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’
Experts studying adolescents have some answers. They tell us that today’s teens:
- Have endured a pandemic, witnessing loss of livelihoods and lives. They’ve been isolated from friends and family, had their social lives limited to six feet apart while wearing masks, struggled with online schooling, and worried about the long-term health and economic impacts of COVID-19. And while pandemics are rare, they know that epidemics remain a looming threat. For more on this, check out our article on apps that are changing their lives.
- May face conflicts with parents who might have substance issues, experience bullying at school, deal with sexual aggression, move to new cities or countries, understand cultural differences, and be exposed to disturbing events. These aspects of our hyper-connected world can particularly trouble teens. Learn more about overcoming bullying.
- Are aware of the global environmental crisis. They see videos of the Amazon rain-forest burning, oil spills polluting oceans and shores, and heaps of plastic in the seas. They’ve witnessed or heard about wildfires, extreme weather, rising temperatures, and species extinction. The world often seems frightening. For insight into this topic, read latest weather updates.
- Have observed social, political, and human rights movements transforming their societies. The rise of movements like Black Lives Matter, refugee struggles, and polarized political opinions can inspire hope but also bring uncertainty. Explore how these movements are impacting youth in our article on women empowerment.
Be Happy But beyond these huge issues, a major factor contributing to teen anxiety and depression is – social media. Today’s teens hit puberty just as social media became pervasive. They rarely get a break from this constant stimulation, which is exhausting.
Most teens are overexposed, wearing them out physically, mentally, and emotionally. Their relationships are continuous as they text, chat, and send videos to friends from morning until they fall asleep with their phones by their pillows. They do homework on one screen while streaming a show on another. They play phone games while watching TV, eat dinner, ride in cars, and walk down sidewalks while looking at screens. The stimulation is relentless. Despite social media’s benefits – staying in touch with friends, creating a sense of belonging, giving people a voice, self-expression – it often throws life out of balance. This excessive tech focus erodes the ability to be still inside, to wonder, think, analyze, and imagine.
Anxiety is normal. Everyone worries at least a little. But anxiety disorders are more than just “a little” worry. For those with these disorders, the worry doesn’t go away after a few days or weeks and can be uncontrollable. Anxious teens may struggle with concentration, irritability, and muscle tension. They may have trouble falling and staying asleep, and may withdraw from family and friends. Sometimes an anxious person will speak up about their anxiety; sometimes they will try to hide it.
Depression is common and can be serious. A depressed mood can take away your pleasure in life. Symptoms of depression may leave you sad or irritable most of the time. You may eat or sleep too much or too little and may have trouble concentrating. Often, depressed teens feel hopeless. For more on this, read our article on body image issues.
Everyone feels anxious and depressed occasionally. Most teens worry about their lives or feel down for various reasons. However, if anxiety or depression lasts more than a few weeks, take another look at what’s going on. Are you also having trouble with energy, concentration, sleep, or eating? Are you unable to shake doubts about your abilities, appearance, or personality?
If so, please get help. Talk to your parents, a counselor, or a good friend.
Be kind to yourself. You’re not alone. Speaking to a trusted friend or counselor can ease your mind and heart.
Need to talk?
Don’t let your worries take over your life. Reach out to a trusted friend, counselor, or family member. They can offer the support you need.
Come see us. Or send a text or an email. We are here to listen. And remember – don’t worry. Be happy.
It’s a panic attack. Breathe.
At times, anxiety spikes. You can be sitting around, eating dinner, feeling fine, and suddenly remember your upcoming mid-term exams, piano recital, or swim competition.
Your heart pounds. You can’t quite breathe. Maybe your stomach churns. Maybe you feel dizzy. You’re really scared.
This is a panic attack.
Breathe. Literally. Take a long breath in and blow it out slowly. Feel the air enter your nose, go down your throat, and fill your stomach. Then push it gently back up and out. Slowly. Do it again and again.
Get help if you want, or you can help yourself. Maybe you need to lie alone in a room and breathe deeply. Maybe you need someone to hold your hand, speak gently, or get a cold cloth for your head. Or a cup of tea. Or a bowl of ice cream. Or all of these.
Having someone to help is wonderful but not always possible. So lie down. Take more deep breaths. Get comfortable. Curl up if you want. Put on soft music, and then when you feel better, get that tea or ice cream or cold cloth. Turn on a fan or snuggle under blankets.
Doesn’t that feel good? Focus on it. Feel the blanket on your shoulders, the warmth of the teacup in your hands, or the softness of the pillow under your head. When you concentrate on what feels good, Be Happy, bad feelings automatically decrease. That’s how the brain works.
To reduce worry, shift your attention to your body. Feel your feet inside your socks, the rub of your shirt on your back, the weight of your fingers. The mind isn’t built to think about these things and worry simultaneously. What a relief.
Then, decide which of your relatives or friends you can reach out to.
The Truth Behind ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy
What would you like to tell people?
Here’s what a few teens have said:
“I need support, not criticism. Please reassure me that I’m doing my best to heal. I need to hear that you’re proud of my efforts.”
“Thank you for sticking by me through all my ups and downs. Even when I’m at my lowest, know that I deeply appreciate you.”
“I value your advice, but I also need to carve my own path.”
“Please don’t feel embarrassed by my struggles. I’m doing my best.”
What would you like to express? Can you say it aloud or write it down?
How can parents be supportive?
Your parents have an immense capacity for love. It’s a powerful and precious thing. They genuinely want to help, even if they might not always know the best way to do so.
The Truth Behind ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy
Take advantage of their support.
- Engage in meaningful conversations. Move beyond routine questions like “How was school?” and ask about specific highlights or interests, like “What was the best part of your day?” or “How are things with your friends?” Show genuine curiosity about their lives and dreams.
- Be observant but not intrusive. Allow them space to grow independently while remaining attentive to any behavioral changes. If you’re concerned, express it with care. Acknowledge their achievements and offer genuine praise Be Happy.
- Stay calm and seek understanding. If your teen is struggling or being secretive, approach the situation with patience. Ask directly, “It seems like you’re having a tough time. How can I help? Let’s talk about what’s going on.”
- Don’t delay seeking professional help. If you notice persistent issues, consult a school counselor, therapist, or doctor sooner rather than later.
- Consider family involvement. Sometimes, addressing a teen’s crisis requires examining family dynamics. Be open to family or marital counseling if needed to improve the overall environment.
We owe thanks to Fadi Haddad, psychiatrist and co-author of Helping Kids in Crisis, for these valuable insights, even though your teen is now navigating their own path.
Support is available.
Feeling anxious or depressed doesn’t mean you’re alone or incomplete. These are common and treatable conditions. Often, people hesitate to seek help due to embarrassment, but there’s no shame in needing support. Just like physical ailments, these emotional challenges are a part of life and can be addressed.
So, be gentle with yourself. You’re a unique individual, and it’s important to treat yourself with kindness for Be Happy.
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